When I was about 6 months pregnant, my husband's cousin suddenly showed up for a visit in Kelowna, where we were staying. She was shifty looking...you know, the smelly hippie type who always talks about freedom and alternate life paths, sticking it to the Man, meanwhile she's a trust fund baby, yeah, that type.I had heard from her before, when he mentioned having a 'special' relationship with her. I had no idea just how special this relationship was, until I suddenly found him with his face uncomfortably ( for me anyways ) close to her tits, as she was trying to...entice him into running away from the hospital with her.
Few reasons why I was not okay with this:
A. He had just tried to saw his hand off with a mitter saw in the middle of a psychotic break.
B. They managed to save said hand, and they had not even removed the stitches out of his wound.
C. What the fuck is this chick, related to him or not, doing walking in the middle of my life and trying to wreck it?
I just lost it. Grabbed the car keys and told him to get back in the car. She gets indignant and tells him to get in the car with her. He gets in the car with me and I take him back to the hospital. I spend the rest of the day fuming. And of course, start questioning the nature of their relationship.
It's kind of funny now, that they've all proven themselves to be prejudiced, that I can come to the conclusion that they weren't kidding about the inbred part...when they make fun of hicks that is. That's the vibe I get from him and his people.
First, they are extremely ignorant. Whenever I attempted a conversation with any of them, a common theme was a need for any of them to remind me that they did things different here in Canada, perhaps to justify their entitled behavior. Unfortunately for them, I'm not an idiot.
Second, boy do they love money. His parents, after he smashed a door in the house we were staying in, a property that belonged to his parents, they offered the option of staying at their cabin, at least until the door was fixed. It was a few weeks before the incident involving his cousin. I stayed there for a couple of nights before they coldly informed me that I was squatting, and that I needed to stop expecting everything to be done for me. What exactly led them to that conclusion I'm not really sure, seeing that I was working nearly full time for his father's business on top of being constantly tired, twenty plus weeks pregnant and beyond weary, seeing that the man I loved (silly me) had attacked me and came after me with a hammer. I was aware of the animosity between me and his mother, who let me mention now before I go on, is an unrelenting pathological lying control freak.
And I gave that incident ( the one in which they felt the need to inform me of how hard they worked for their money, and how unwilling they were parting with any of it) no further thought until they tried to pressure me into giving my daughter up for adoption, claiming my husband's struggle with mental illness as a reason why I what...couldn't take care of our child myself? They apparently seemed to 'frown' on single parenthood. The thing is, my husband was diagnosed with bipolar when we met. He had mood swings, ranging from depression to relative normalcy but he had never been violent until we moved to Kelowna, on his mother's request.
Funny how I knew that was just another way for her to try to control a situation that was not hers to control.
The next day after the incident with his cousin, I was tired, drawn. Sleep was hard to come by, but I got up that morning to pick my husband and we went to a church. I cried, I wailed, I couldn't understand why everything was going wrong.
He sat quietly next to me.
We head back to his parents' place, where I end up confronting his mother, about a little something called boundaries and how she couldn't fucking keep her nose out of her son and I's personal tiffs. This escalates to the point where he and I get up to leave. They, his mother, brothers and the cousin get a bit desperate and start following us, wailing about how if he just listened to them he would understand.
I was like 'understand what? You motherfuckers are creepy. Really. Creeeeepy.' We get in his car and they sit on the car. They literally refused to let us live. It's hot as fuck, I'm pregnant, my husband is still recovering from an injury and they are physically preventing us from leaving. I simply grabbed my husband and told him we were walking.
His cousin's mother, probably ashamed byher daughter's behavior,
offered us a place to live and that's how we ended up here in Calgary. I packed everything we had in a UHAUL truck and drove him, Lilo and I across the mountains. I was impressed by the fact that that was probably the first time that he'd ever stood up for me and our child.Unfortunately, that was the last time he did.
His family eventually convinced him that they were right and I was wrong and he abandoned Lilo and I. I naively tried to get him to see what I saw in his daughter, just make him see that she certainly was worth more than whatever comforts and delusions his family offered him. I wasn't raised to think myself better than anyone else. But dealing with people like him and his relatives definitely gave me a new found appreciation for my Christian upbringing. While it had its flaws, I still got from it enough to know that I had stumbled upon an extremely troubled group of people. One that knew no compassion for anyone other than themselves.
Now I've mainly avoided this 'cousin' of his, though her mother and I are very fond of each other, and we both consider her to be my daughter's true grandmother, when her biological one is so disagreeable. However, she, in the year that we've been in Calgary, had a child of her own and consequently started haranguing her mother about the attention she gave to myself and my daughter...which leads me to believe that her pregnancy was perhaps an attempt to vie her mother's attention. Quite desperately. She and my husband have met a few times behind my back, and he for a while attempted to pit me against her, perhaps to get her to fight his battles for him. He's that much of a coward. She, now has a family on her own, and I have made it clear that if she kept being the cause of strife between him and I, I might return the favor she bestowed on me in Kelowna. She of course, has been quick to get on her high horse and claim that I'm trying to interfere with her new family.
Funny how she felt like she had the right to do the same to me.
Funny how Lady Karma comes around. Like a motherfucking boomerang.
Her immaturity, hers and her siblings, is alarming and seeing their drama and being involved in it has allowed me to see just how absolutely dysfunctional and broken most of their family seems to be. Emotional manipulation and control is the only way they seem to be able to do anything...communicate, interact with each other.
Overtime my anger at this whole situation has built and built until it has left me beyond, cranky,
a good thirty pounds lighter and eager to put everything that had to do with him behind me. These inbred fucks all belong in a funny farm, as far as I'm concerned. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for him. They're absolutely fucked and they don't even know it. I've been stuck in the twilight zone for nearly two years now and for the sake of my daughter I feel like it is time I start surrounding myself with healthy, compassionate human beings, instead of the nest of entitled sociopaths I've stumbled into.These events have lead me to question my luck...big time. I mean, who the fuck sets aside their own reservation and falls in love...with a crazy dude and then has to deal with his crazy, racist family????
Ah the end of a relationship... You fight it, refuse to see that's it's over...you dig for the man you once loved, the guy who would never betray you? Except the man who stares passively at you every day now has his face, his smile, still seek physical comfort from you...but he's a complete stranger. And a creepy one at that. To him, you don't deserve any proper treatment. He allows his family to disrespect you and acts withdrawn and tells you that you can't understand the way he thinks ( because clearly he's so fucking special )...
Then you meet someone else.
And he ( who we shall call New Dude), ND treats you better than your old man has ever treated you. He laughs when you're being uptight and tells you you're cute ( that's probably going to change as time goes by), he tells you that you are beautiful, even though you haven't taken a shower in a day, are wearing your giant CareBears underwear and your natural hair is matted to one side of your head.
I've...met someone else. And he's so different than the loser I've been stuck with for the past couple of years that I don't know what to do with him. I still struggle with the new direction my life is taking, the unfair treatment my daughter and I received at the end of the one person we should have been able to trust. But I accept now that my husband is a very very sick man. Ironically, he gets angry about the fact that I now treat him like the unstable man he went out of his way to prove that he was.
When I met him, he was capable, of love, caring and living a normal life. Before his family came into our life, he perhaps had a chance. But I guess it's easier for a man to do the convenient thing, instead of the right thing. They enabled a lot of his negative behavior and I believe that if I had not intervened a month ago, he would be zombified with Seroquel and Lithium. I fully believe that all the medication he's been given this last year have worsened his condition. He stutters and can barely finish sentences. His reasoning is just...flawed. His logic is shot. I'm not even sure if he's capable of...feeling.
I tried to...save him. I couldn't. He ended up turning on me. I realize that perhaps he's done me a favor. At least, now I have a chance to give our daughter a normal life. Away from the moral vapidness, prejudice and greed of most of the people he's related to. I'm no hardcore christian, far from that...but even I know what comes to people who worship Mammon.
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