I'm getting fat.

So what's been going on in my life...


I'm getting used to the schedule at the bakery. Quatre jours de gallere, and three days of trying to still pretend like my life belongs to me. Lilo's been sick, her daycare's employees are getting on my fucking nerves, I of course can't risk missing a single day's work. I'm staying in the apartment for now, I've decided.

I've got too much going on to move. Not to mention, I don't have the time, nor the man-power to pack everything up, move a two bedroom apartment, with a baby, and a nine-hour-a-day job.

Did I mention I'm tired?

ND and I are definitely kaput. He called a couple of weeks back to let me know that he's found himself a new piece, and he WANTS TO GET MARRIED AND I DON'T SO HE HAS THE RIGHT TO GET HIS EMOTIONAL NEEDS FULFILLED SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Needless to say, I miss his computer more than him. I mean, we spent more time together than he and I. And I knew he was withdrawing but found him extremely inpatient, and needy, thought the same can be said about me.




I've got to say though, I hope he finds the perfect one to settle down with. I know a certain someone who was extra gun-ho about settling down, until she suddenly found herself dealing with the most distasteful characters.

So long ND.

Now I've got to find myself another pogo stick. I have always had a thing for attractive nerds, t'were always my type... though I must admit, tits have been on my mind a lot more than usual. Perhaps it's due to me working at the bakery, surrounded by warm, flaky buns...I never can stop the connecting-mentally of the warm, steamy buns or whatever chick happens to walk in like that one on Friday, Purple dress, low cut purple dress with the cups that nearly overfloeth and jiggle oh so perfectly...

Or the fact that I'm just not interested in men beyond the usual sexual satisfaction bit...but women, hot women have been haunting my mind lately.

I have to get my divorce started up. Mitch still calls daily, but I'm done waiting for him.

Went to a clothing swap today, at the Belgo. Got myself an entire wardrobe. Tres tres satisfied. Lilo and I had a picnic at Riley Park afterward. I had the displeasure of sighting Mitchell's cousin in the distance, but nothing else came out of it. It was so nice spending some time with Lilo, in the sun...though we had to cut it short: her explosive diarrhea soiled her pants.

I wrote a letter to some of Mitch's family members enumerating the events leading up to me leaving Kelowna and warning them that I would not tolerate any bullshit involving Lilo and I anymore. I've gotten to a point where I am ready to be the bitch they've all accused me to be and I assure you, my dark side is not one anyone wants to be acquainted with.

But fuck it, they've pissed me off long enough. The gloves are coming off. If someone even dares try to involve Lilo and consequently me in their nasty affairs I'm assaulting someone.

And if I have to end up in jail away from my daughter I may as well make it count, if you know what I mean.

The blatant disrespect for other people's rights is rampant in that family. Their attempts to normalize those types of behaviors have turned them into disgusting human beings I want nothing to do with. But now they think they can try to weasel their way into having access to Lilo, even thought they repeatedly went out of their way to ensure she wouldn't be a part of their lives...that grates at whatever remains of my patience, and I'm ready to pull out the nasty.

No more Nicey Ladybug, no no. Someone's about to get their jaw broken.




Did I mention how horny I suddenly am? Sex and violence seem to be the only other things on my mind. It would be nice to find someone I can have a nice, pressure-free sex-heavy relationship with. I'm frustrated. I don't know if I'm lonely...perhaps I am. I can't suffer other people's expectations of me right now. I try not to have any on anyone.



I'm tired of masturbating. Absolutely, frankly sick of it. For every jiggly pair of tits that walks through the door I cram a sourdough roll in my face, pretending it's a fat, juicy...weiner (though I've been meaning to get some pate to slather on whatever I happen to be snacking on) and for the fuck of gawd of course I'm trying to substitute food for sex!
AND IT'S NOT WORKING.

I'm young, quasi-hot and I've been working at a bakery for almost a month now. That leaves me about six months before my ass surpasses the limit of sexy and woobles into whale territory, so I've got to find someone before then...before everyone forgets I used to be attractive.