Where have I been?

I have pink eye. Let's just say that pic above is the best I've looked in days. The night before last I had so much discharge in my eye it was just hanging around ON my eyeball, or collecting inside my eyelids until I had to cry cottage cheese tears.

And yes, it burns.

I've also been away because I'm changing, again. I would think I would have noticed a pattern between my breaks from blogging and my overall contenance. I'm fighting my depression...except now, I realize in doing so I've been losing sleep, which in turn lead to a crash of my immune system and I've spend the past couples of days out of work, dying in Auntie S. house.

Wednesday night I was so feverish I was delirious. Thursday I had the worst headache and my eyes were glued shut. Friday was a little better. I allowed myself to be lazy. Today's actually the first day I have the energy to go to the Clinic...not for myself really, I feel like I could cope. But Lilo's cough has me worried a bit.

So...yep. I'm still broke. My apartment is still a mess but I'm doing good on my promise to de-clutter. I'm still falling sick every five seconds but I'm recovering with no other medicine than my favorite entheogen...that and lots of rest, good food and orange juice. I have, however, been successful at cutting the ex's phone calls. He's still calling, repeatedly, three to five times a day and we always have the same conversation. I will no longer excuse his incompetence, he keeps calling me hoping that I've returned to my previous...accepting stance but I'm done. I have gained nothing but torment and pain from him. I'm learning how to be selfish. I'm learning to look out for yours truly. The apathy towards my struggles, on top of having to take care of Lilo, and his continuing delusions about being a competent parent just got to be too much.

All right, all right, I don't have an ounce of feeling left for you. You are the perfect asshole!You don't want to do anything to improve anyone's life but your own!I GET IT! Happy? Now get the fuck out of my life.

Simple.

Easy.

I'm going to follow those from now on. Simple and easy relationships with people. I'm done with complications of any kind. I'm also done with entanglements with members of the opposite sex...besides, I'm constantly sick, tired and lugging around an extra 10 pounds from the bakery: sexy has left the building.