This is the keyboard, courtesy of Lilo, so needless to say, typing has become a bit of a challenge. I've been lying on the floor of my apartment trying to remember what having a purpose and a support system feels like but I can't. It seems like half of the past eleven years have been spent fighting my parents and the other half Mitch and I'm still at a point in my life where there's no one I can trust. And now, seeing that I haven't been able to find a place I'm going to be heading for Nelson's homeless shelter and hope they have room for us. I haven't figured out what to do with Lilo. I'm very empty. I just want to get out of here. I might have just enough money to cover UHAUL and that's it. I have no idea what lies beyond that.

I talked to someone named Kathy from the Nelson Housing...whatever and she pretty much told me to move somewhere else because Nelson rental pricing are about supply and demand and no one is capping anything. There's no affordable housing and the city only caters to the moneyed...which is pretty much the impression I got walking through. I mean people are 'nice and friendly', but affordable housing is not so important an issue as giving tax breaks or funding or land to 'development', real estate...hell look at all the 'million dollar houses' in that city and look at how much funding the hospital and public housing is getting. I am so sick of money. I have had enough. Enough. I've been practical. I held a job. I abandoned my child in daycare and had nothing but monetary expectations and little if any of the support that I needed. I had little time/energy/money to entertain myself or make friends. I've tried being 'practical' and I've had enough.

My 'affordable' options, which would be living on a bordering town like Harrop, or Passmore even, are not functional, because I would have to maintain my car insurance  and drive into the nearest big town in order to make money that would go quick given how expensive real food is getting, continue buying gas, have to leave Lilo in the care of god knows who, so you know what? I'll take being homeless. If anyone was willing to allow me to park my car on their land and maybe get a tent, that might be my only option because I'm not getting another minimum wage job, or even taking the option of going back to the US, I don't feel comfortable in my parents house and they can whine about how they were trying to do their best by forcing what they felt was right down my throat. Forgiven, but I'm not about to deliver myself to the same claustrophobic situation I've pretty much been stuck in for years now. In a sense, losing everything is the freest I've felt in a long, long time. 

Well, I'm not at all shaken by the prospect of homelessness. If you don't have a job and you don't have money no one would give you shelter. And if you're homeless you're nothing...which is exactly what I'm feeling so everything must be fine. I'll drive into Nelson and bum around and may my festering be a sore on the eyes of the posh and exploitative home and land owning elite. I doubt the Earth would stop rotating if something happened to Lilo and I. And I don't care anymore.

Wonderful.

I'm going to go make myself some tea now.