I've been doing some physically intense labor. There's a hill full of rocks behind the house and mine's a garden needing decent fencing.

I've been lazy wondering about the slocan valley, having fun, hiking, gardening and going to Shambala.

Meanwhile, my kale, lettuce, chard, and beets have been devoured by what I assumed was packrats, of which I only saw the lower half of a stocky brown, shiny coat animal.

With a weakness for my leafy greens.

To say life has changed is...an understatement. I'm actually about to lose internet in the next few days. Don't know when it would be on again. I've got no gas in my car, barely got money for rent. Damn fencing still needs to be finished but I've got me a garden. Peas, lettuce, tomatoes, eggplants, and beans, and friends. Real friends. I live in a home with fruit trees, surrounded by wild flowers, cedars and wormwood. There's a pond in the backyard, in which deers often quench their thirst, and a bear frequently dines on neighborhood trash on the front porch (and guess who has to clean that up...)

I'm watching community explode around my daughter and I and though panic seizes me when I think of the financial side of things, I finally realize that I've landed in some sort of a paradise. And life is abundant in different ways. And I dream of love again.

I'm actually going to enjoy this unwiring. I've got a lot of painting, sewing, canning, writing and jamming to do. I will be keeping up with the journal and batch-posting when I do have access to the internet. I'm learning how to hula hoop. I climbed a mountain with my daughter. I've made and lost friends, already. I'm singing. I'm learning how to enjoy being human again. And I'm allowing myself to fall into the mystery of tomorrow unrestrained by any expectation, except that of a good time. I'm looking for good human bonds. I still strive to be as honest and as brash as I've always been because that is going to help clear bullshit out of my life a lot sooner. Especially with myself.

I'm working on the bond between my daughter and I. We are here to heal and I need to be kind to myself, be more aware of people's intentions towards me and work my anxieties out if I'm going to be competent at this parenting thing, and I pray for wisdom, more understanding, a little more humor in my life.

And luuuuuuuuuuuv because Jesus F. I was not meant to be celibate. No.