Structural explanation in sociology: the Egalitarian Imperative
Lo the she-beast rises, filled with vitriol and hatred.
Have pity on the unenlightened creature, she knows not how to swig back entheogenic cocktails to erase her ego...quite sensitive to that type of spiritual meddling.
Wonder how much spiritual grillo pad it would take to make me decent and acceptable.
Don't know about you but I like myself just fine.
My interaction with my ex husband's family and my stay in Calgary have traumatized me.
Made me uber aware of the gulf that is the cultural difference between them and myself, a yawn filled with ignorance and cruelty, but I'm thankful for the experience. It's turned me a bit ruthless. Made me a little tougher.
Erase the world and all is fine in the kingdom of me. Humans like to build edifices to themselves, leave traces behind. Accomplishment, ambition, those are considered fine human trait. Greed is good. I can be greedy. I know what I want to work on. I know what I want in a partner. I also realize my body wants and my heart is just too afraid to make itself available. I think it considers itself non-existent and this point. I saw him again today, the lion-lover, charming philanderer. He stroked my face and I almost melted into him. Pheromones and hormones are funny things. Why else would I be drawn to him? It can't be affection. And if it is, it's largely misguided. I've learned to detach from my desires. I had to. It's a lesson you learn a few times, and sometimes they are harder to be rid off. It's easier to forget one man on the lips of another.
Every time he walks away my heart sinks a little.
I was going for the usual hermit routine when I decided to go downtown and grab staples for the fencing. We stopped at the market and ambulated about, greeting others and it was warming. It felt connecting. Enacted those sociological imperatives at a comfortable level.
Caught a glimpse of him. Gave him a hug and some chocolate. I hope he ate it.
It's different this time, with this one, because I have no expectation. He wanted something and I think I gave it to him, to a certain extent. I wanted more but have conceded to his rules. We don't seem to be on the same path. I am on the path of the cuckoo, the recklessly brave and saddened widow. I wish for an intellectually and emotionally stimulating partner, but I guess I need more interaction skills, or I have them but I need to make an effort in sharpening them again...or perhaps more of a social standing to attract the affections of a 'respectable' partner.
People like money, don't you know? Success, enterprise, business, bulbs and bullshit. I need to get to work, hoping to reach a plateau of 'je ne give pas le fuck' before I can emote on canvas. Painting lately feels like attempting to squeeze creativity from a rock.The only way I'm shutting distractions out is if I work, so mind I beseech thee, let the flow of wonder and creation manifest again in your arid vastness...
Lo the she-beast rises, filled with vitriol and hatred.
Have pity on the unenlightened creature, she knows not how to swig back entheogenic cocktails to erase her ego...quite sensitive to that type of spiritual meddling.
Wonder how much spiritual grillo pad it would take to make me decent and acceptable.
Don't know about you but I like myself just fine.
My interaction with my ex husband's family and my stay in Calgary have traumatized me.
Made me uber aware of the gulf that is the cultural difference between them and myself, a yawn filled with ignorance and cruelty, but I'm thankful for the experience. It's turned me a bit ruthless. Made me a little tougher.
Erase the world and all is fine in the kingdom of me. Humans like to build edifices to themselves, leave traces behind. Accomplishment, ambition, those are considered fine human trait. Greed is good. I can be greedy. I know what I want to work on. I know what I want in a partner. I also realize my body wants and my heart is just too afraid to make itself available. I think it considers itself non-existent and this point. I saw him again today, the lion-lover, charming philanderer. He stroked my face and I almost melted into him. Pheromones and hormones are funny things. Why else would I be drawn to him? It can't be affection. And if it is, it's largely misguided. I've learned to detach from my desires. I had to. It's a lesson you learn a few times, and sometimes they are harder to be rid off. It's easier to forget one man on the lips of another.
Every time he walks away my heart sinks a little.
I was going for the usual hermit routine when I decided to go downtown and grab staples for the fencing. We stopped at the market and ambulated about, greeting others and it was warming. It felt connecting. Enacted those sociological imperatives at a comfortable level.
Caught a glimpse of him. Gave him a hug and some chocolate. I hope he ate it.
It's different this time, with this one, because I have no expectation. He wanted something and I think I gave it to him, to a certain extent. I wanted more but have conceded to his rules. We don't seem to be on the same path. I am on the path of the cuckoo, the recklessly brave and saddened widow. I wish for an intellectually and emotionally stimulating partner, but I guess I need more interaction skills, or I have them but I need to make an effort in sharpening them again...or perhaps more of a social standing to attract the affections of a 'respectable' partner.
People like money, don't you know? Success, enterprise, business, bulbs and bullshit. I need to get to work, hoping to reach a plateau of 'je ne give pas le fuck' before I can emote on canvas. Painting lately feels like attempting to squeeze creativity from a rock.The only way I'm shutting distractions out is if I work, so mind I beseech thee, let the flow of wonder and creation manifest again in your arid vastness...
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