Let's talk about Africa Diaspora, racial inferiority and authoritarianism. Actually, let's not. I'm not trying to be intellectual about what I ascertain to be utter bullshit I will not use to define myself.
First of all, one would assume a measure of success includes the ability to enjoy said success, but I never saw that in my parents. The striving never ended, the ladder, infinite. And the enjoyment? Not to be seen. My father is one of the grouchiest men I know. In fact, we took up to calling him the Grinch because of his gradual refusal to celebrate holidays with us, preferring to close himself off and immerse himself in his holy books.
And he's got degrees up the wazoo.
I was told life was about obligations, duty and fulfilling my parents' expectations. I was not allowed to have 'secular' friends. I went to church three times a week. When it came to choosing a direction in life, I had most of my suggestions rejected. Can I be an English teacher? No. Can I be a cop? NO. Everywhere around me where walls erected by their fears, their negative experiences...I had erected walls of my own, to protect my own opinion, but eventually I fled the coop and I intend to stay out of it.
I see my uncles and aunts. The ones back home dream of the Occident as a beacon of success, hope and prosperity. But most end up suffering when they make it up here, when they realize they gave all those connections up for a never ending grind, for a meager amount of bucks, and the money they do end up amassing is the result of endless sacrifices and endurance. Most of their degrees are rarely recognized by American institutions and they have no other options than to accept low wages or go into debt acquiring more education.
Debt is a key word here, because by living under my parents roof, I was indebted to them. They were to decide the outcome of my future and my job was to comply and thrive. I failed by rejecting that authority, rejecting the goals they set for me and setting out on a path of my own, a path carved by happenstance, spontaneous decisions and fate.
I get it, okay, we're an oppressed people, and we overcome that oppression with knowledge and education. We overcome financial poverty with degrees that grant access to higher incomes. But the energy exchange isn't a cheap one and the price is not simply not one I'm willing to pay. Especially when I have no interest and drive in pushing myself through further academic grind, resulting in more debt and more worries.
I create things with my hands. I am also capable of intelligent reasoning. It is the result of education and experience.
That is the gift my parents gave to me, and for that I've always been grateful. But they don't acknowledge that gratefulness because I have not given them the allegiance they deem is their God given right.
And truth is, I have always resented their dedication to their work. It was done to provide for their children, but their absence left me vulnerable. And others took advantage of that.
However now that I have a child, I realize that narrow minded focus is the result of misery. Attempts to overcome that misery by exhausting myself in work (depending on the productivity of the work) often results in the emotional neglect of my child. However, I refuse to accept that as an outcome of trying to attain material affluence for the both of us.
Truth is, we, my parents, you, the 99%, are caught in a web of financial slavery. And I think that should be addressed, instead of conforming to the limitations set on us by greedy humans. I see my refusal to conform to societal and cultural expectations as my attempts to free myself from a paradigm that is no longer functional, as the cost of living rises, the planet suffers more and more ecological damage and having a degree isn't exactly going to guarantee me a fucking job.
To be Continued
First of all, one would assume a measure of success includes the ability to enjoy said success, but I never saw that in my parents. The striving never ended, the ladder, infinite. And the enjoyment? Not to be seen. My father is one of the grouchiest men I know. In fact, we took up to calling him the Grinch because of his gradual refusal to celebrate holidays with us, preferring to close himself off and immerse himself in his holy books.
And he's got degrees up the wazoo.
I was told life was about obligations, duty and fulfilling my parents' expectations. I was not allowed to have 'secular' friends. I went to church three times a week. When it came to choosing a direction in life, I had most of my suggestions rejected. Can I be an English teacher? No. Can I be a cop? NO. Everywhere around me where walls erected by their fears, their negative experiences...I had erected walls of my own, to protect my own opinion, but eventually I fled the coop and I intend to stay out of it.
I see my uncles and aunts. The ones back home dream of the Occident as a beacon of success, hope and prosperity. But most end up suffering when they make it up here, when they realize they gave all those connections up for a never ending grind, for a meager amount of bucks, and the money they do end up amassing is the result of endless sacrifices and endurance. Most of their degrees are rarely recognized by American institutions and they have no other options than to accept low wages or go into debt acquiring more education.
Debt is a key word here, because by living under my parents roof, I was indebted to them. They were to decide the outcome of my future and my job was to comply and thrive. I failed by rejecting that authority, rejecting the goals they set for me and setting out on a path of my own, a path carved by happenstance, spontaneous decisions and fate.
I get it, okay, we're an oppressed people, and we overcome that oppression with knowledge and education. We overcome financial poverty with degrees that grant access to higher incomes. But the energy exchange isn't a cheap one and the price is not simply not one I'm willing to pay. Especially when I have no interest and drive in pushing myself through further academic grind, resulting in more debt and more worries.
I create things with my hands. I am also capable of intelligent reasoning. It is the result of education and experience.
That is the gift my parents gave to me, and for that I've always been grateful. But they don't acknowledge that gratefulness because I have not given them the allegiance they deem is their God given right.
And truth is, I have always resented their dedication to their work. It was done to provide for their children, but their absence left me vulnerable. And others took advantage of that.
However now that I have a child, I realize that narrow minded focus is the result of misery. Attempts to overcome that misery by exhausting myself in work (depending on the productivity of the work) often results in the emotional neglect of my child. However, I refuse to accept that as an outcome of trying to attain material affluence for the both of us.
Truth is, we, my parents, you, the 99%, are caught in a web of financial slavery. And I think that should be addressed, instead of conforming to the limitations set on us by greedy humans. I see my refusal to conform to societal and cultural expectations as my attempts to free myself from a paradigm that is no longer functional, as the cost of living rises, the planet suffers more and more ecological damage and having a degree isn't exactly going to guarantee me a fucking job.
To be Continued
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