Bent - Kisses

I do miss my life circa 2007. I had a boyfriend I loved, I didn't know he was going to betray me the way he did, I was a kid, I was wild and felt free. Now I feel like a limping deer. One that has been hit repeatedly by cars left and right. And I'm really just limping along now a days.

I take care of Lilo but that's about it.
I almost feel empty sometimes. I'm sad. I'm numb.

And ND makes me feel alive again. I have hope again. But it's clear that I do not really trust him with my heart just yet. And I don't even know if I'm capable of doing such a thing ever again.

With Mitch I was stupid, I was beyond stupid when it came to thinking about us having a future together. I loved him and I was a tenacious girl. I wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of us having a future together.

With ND he wants all the things I once wanted with Mitch and I don't know what to think. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to want-the only thing I want is my daughter, close to me. All the rest just seems so trivial. I'm filled with a lot of doubt. So I try to sabotage our relationship hoping he just gets up and walk away, so I can go "AH! I was right about you males!"

He...he hasn't done that yet. Maybe one of these days I'll push hard enough. Who knows? Apparently I'm a bitch.