My ex is a walking example of what happens to someone who allows parents to ruin your life beyond anything you could ever imagine. See, that man had everything. He's always had everything...everything but a backbone!
He's never really been allowed to make a decision affecting his life and when he makes moves to, and he realises it's not one he feels comfortable with, he's had the opportunity to backtrack. I've let him walk in and out of our lives repeatedly.
He's never been allowed to deal with the consequence of his actions and now he is genuinely surprised that he's back in an environment where he has no choice and no right! He was just on the phone with me and his mom is arking, close enough to me to get him to get off the phone and to call a divorce lawyer she set up and appointment with. They constantly regulate and control him, tell him what he can do or can't do, so I can imagine their glee when he developed a mental illness, since that meant they could have complete control of him. Only I show up and spoil their fun, going ahead and getting rid of the power of attorney his mother placed on his accounts, without his knowledge (the man is clueless) so they tell him I'm the bad guy. I'm controlling him. Listen to us, we're what is best for you!
They constantly try to lure him home with promises of free funds and freedom, only to take away everything from him and forcing him to conform, under the pretense of trying to teach him more independence. And that idiot falls for it everytime. Last May, they told him, after he had landed in the hospital again, that if he didn't abandon Lilo and I they were going to stop supporting him financially. They know exactly how to manipulate him you know. The mother really does relish having a sick son. It gives her a reason to be. So trying to pose themselves as the only people he can rely on really is the best way to get him to feel like he has nothing if he doesn't have them.
And I've observed this and wondered, is this what having children meant to them? More possessions? Disgusting.
This whole situation, to me is not a negative one. I get to admire my parents for the amount of independence they've instilled in me. I get to realise that the best parenting, is the one that allows a child to grow into an adult able to make her/his own decisions. I get to thank God for giving me such wise, selfless parents, because the alternative, being related to those people, is a fate worse than death. I know what kind of parent I want to be.
I better draft a will soon. If anything were to happen to me, I would make a hundred percent sure that my daughter doesn't have to be violated by their presence. No way. And really, sucks that she has a mollusk for a father but that kind of obstacle should only encourage her to be stronger, if she's anything like me.
When you look at him and you realize the kind of parents he's got, it doesn't take a genius to uncover the root of his mental illness. And unfortunately for him that's the life he would rather live in because he can't imagine anything beyond the abuse he's become used to. I believe that God gives us obstacles to overcome in life and those are what help us grow into more capable, emotionally developed and resilient beings. I fear for his life. Or maybe he's going to be okay.
When he becomes who they want him to be.
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