i held lilo close to me tonight. it was way past bedtime but i didn't seem to be able to let her go. she's the only remains of what i felt i had with mitch...maybe that emptiness i feel inside, sinking past my ribcage, into my guts, is the patch she took to be here, with me.

if i can just stop feeling like I've lost my ability to love and realise that my love has materialized into my Lilo maybe I'll be okay after all.

I just wish i would become a better person. I want to just not feel anything right now.