I met a Moroccan girl on the bus, heading to The Montgomery Community Centre, where the event took place. We spoke the whole trip, in both French and English. I missed my stop so I had to stay on the bus an extra 40 minutes, but I wasn't phased at all. In fact I grew even happier. The weather was beautiful...not by my standards (16+ degrees) but usually after I start walking I get pretty heated up.
Lilo fell asleep on the bus as we looped around COP twice. I couldn't keep a smile off my face the whole time I saw her sleepily attempt to keep her finger in her mouth as she grew more tired. I'm a little worried about this sudden oral fixation (I.E. Braces) but she's so adorable.
I'll might have to start rubbing bitters on her finger if she keeps it up though. I don't want her to have to struggle with the inconvenience of having her whole smile readjusted.
The event itself was packed. Lilo ate a whole chicken Samosa while I had Vietnamese salad rolls...mi favorite. Then we got to the shopping. I got a 5 Litter bag of vermicompost from the folks at wormsatwork.com, yellow onion, carrots, pumpkin, cilantro, cherry tomato, peas and african daisy seeds from brothernature.ca (who though Lilo was oh so cute), brandywine tomato seeds from Prairie Garden Seeds and a mix of lettuce seeds...plus that tiny basil plant. And sage. Oh I can't wait to see that one grow! I'm so excited! I'm so scared! I've never done this before!
Lie. I have. I used to garden with my mom all the time in Senegal. We were living in that large home and we had huge chickens, goats, a pig, a large garden and we even built a pond for our ducks. I even remember a horse coming around bringing manure once a month...I used to be scared of it. But mom's basil was always so fresh and smelled so nice...this one is strange. Lime basil??? I didn't even know that existed! But I'm always intrigued and challenged when faced with my own ignorance.
And I think it's really cool that Lilo gets to garden with me now. We actually walked back home (when I finally realized just how close the place was to mine. Imagine how stupid I felt, when I realized I could have gone there on foot and been back hours earlier.) She walked more than she ever has in her life...testing her feet as she ran after me...it was so...I can't describe how proud I felt at that moment to have such a happy little girl. We walked by a playground and I placed her on the swings, first time since last summer. She has a pretty big laugh for such a little baby.
But she's not a baby anymore is she?
She was so sad when we left the playground. Such an opinionated little one...has mama's temper, this one does.
We laughed, we ran and I literally skipped on the way home. I thank the Divine for giving me such a beautiful day...even though, of course, my mood went back south when I had to deal with the work at home.
But that's okay.
I've yet to get in contact with the woman managing community garden lot rentals at the university. I'm still looking for a car. I've settled on a station wagon, a Ford Taurus, to be more specific, but jackers be trying to swindle folks on Kijiji. I've seen three so far, and two of them are $2000, the other, same year, more KMs, is $2650. I've gotten in contact with the lady selling it, but I'm not really sold on spending that much money. The other ones have less mileage, but one hasn't responded yet, the other...well, the dude selling it is kind of a prick, and it doesn't have an inspection report.
So I don't know. I want to be able to drive again. I'm not happy with the limitations imposed on someone living in such a spread-out city. I would like an SUV, like ND's been trying to get me to purchase, but he's just being a straight up meanie with my decision to purchase a station wagon. Things are strained between us right now. I feel that while he has lots of appealing and redeemable qualities, he's a great guy, but he can be an asshole sometimes. And guess what, I'm a needy whiny pain in the ass too. So I don't know. I've told him that I feel like he's being really insensitive lately and that I'm feeling stressed. I hope we can at least remain friends while I'm sorting my feelings out but right now...it's just Lilo and I, and given my 'obsession' with providing a safe childhood for my daughter, it might remain that way.
This is such a huge transitional moment in Lilo and I's life, I'm deathly afraid of leaving her in the care of strangers. But I have to work to keep a roof over our head. If I could work while carrying her on my back all day I would.
I want a respite from dealing with the opposite sex. Truth is, I don't really like men anymore. I tend to lump them in a ball of swine feces and discard, push, repulsed. With a few exceptions...I think.
Sigh. There goes my happy again. Then again, I knew my week would be ruined when I read that Savage Love column on 'Gold Star Pedophiles'. I literally SCREAMED at my computer.
Although reading Rob Taylor's response, Dan Savage, Megan McArdle, and the Myth of the Pedophile Orientation made me feel a little, tiny little bit better. While I feel like his dislike for marijuana is deeply rooted in ingnorance, and blaming the substance except of the idiots abusing it, I'm starting to agree with him more and more on a multitude of subjects.
More and more I wish the world would just end. There's no such thing as justice anymore, criminals have more rights than victims, MS patients get denied health insurance and affordable medication, only to be send to prison for 5 years for growing the marijuana he needed to manage the pain of his slow death, Monsento is fucking with our food and the government doesn't give a fuck about me and you and people have more sympathy for pedophiles than the thousand of children that are constantly violated, eviscerated and die a painful death, day after day after day. It's becoming very clear that the war on drugs is just a farce to cover up how violent and anti-female and child our society has become, when
Deny health care, put poison in our food and release maniacs for population control.Oh, I forget, taking all your attention away from what the government is really doing by encouraging raging pro-choice fuck nuts, who only give a fuck about how many fingers the fetus supposedly have.
Good luck getting them to care about that now grown fetus, who's at home or in the foster care system getting raped and sodomized because mommy had no other choice but to have him, because mommy doesn't care if her boyfriend rapes them as long as she has a dick around.
And has anyone noticed a rash of bitches killing their babies and stuffing their little corpses in trashcans and public washrooms? I don't see any of these highfalutin white-supremacist political church heads, the supposed bastions of our society giving a penny or making an effort to protect those children. Here's a helpful pollution idea: on top of the fluoride you're saturating the drinking water with, how about you sneak in some birth control, fuckers?
All in all, I don't give a fuck if it's the 'holistic' thing to be all forgiving. There are just things that cannot be forgiven: raping a baby to death is one of those.
Sigh.
In a perfect world, I get to live on a homestead with Lilo, far far away from men and their uncontrollable lust and just be safe with my girl. I wish I could make a whole lot of money to make that happen. Just a simple, quiet life, where we can both learn and grow, get wise and old.
Away from all of this.
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