When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane - Herman Hesse

Mitch called me today to announce that he's going to a group home but that he was scared because they said it was for adults only. And I made myself quiet and actually tried to lend him an ear, just for compassion's sake but I couldn't, I just couldn't.

Maybe it's because I'm poor, or the fact that I've gone from one job to another in the past two weeks...or perhaps it's the fact that I don't have enough money to make rent this month. But he doesn't give a shit about how hard it is for me to be raising Lilo by myself and consequently I don't give a shit about the problems he manifests out of thin air, because clearly, having lived a privileged life is so horrible!

Why does he keep calling me? Whatever we had is long gone...I'm not even sure, after all the hi-jinks he pulled, if there ever was anything. It might have all been just a construct of my imagination and hearing his aunt tell me that he loves me does tend to sway my conviction, but let's face it: I'm hanging on to the corpse of our relationship and it's starting to stink. Necrophilia has never been anywhere near my kinks and fuck, it's about time my emotion-closet got a spring cleaning. I'm not open. I'm not open to relationships right now. I'm not open to anything actually. I feel nothing. I am nothing. Period.

Funny that after all that's taken place he expects me to be a friend, despite the fact that I'm dealing with difficulties brought on by his refusal to assume responsibility for his daughter. I get an impression he's just hanging on to the notion of me just in case he fails to find another one dumb enough to get involved with the nasty he is, but fuck if I'm going to keep aiding that belief by picking up the phone.

I hate the fact that he has no remorse for what transpired between us. But that's entitlement for you. Whatever. He's free to be who and what he wants to be far far away from me. And I need to stop investing shadows of expectations in him, thinking that if I continue to give him the tiniest support, perhaps he can step up and be a father.

No...he's never going to be Lilo's father. And that's fine by me. But I'm going to make sure that for the next 16.5 years, his wallet's gonna bleed.