I've been trying to just remain to myself after coming to the realization some time early summer that I was an asshole magnet and that I was bound to spend the rest of my life alone and isolated in order to avoid falling into the clutches of another dirt-bag. Alas, I didn't expect the drama to follow me home this time around. The drama lives a floor beneath me.
This, is the story of how I got seduced bamboozled by this building's resident Casanova. 

I first laid eyes on 'Alfie' (scientific name: Playarus Rovingdickus Alfius ) while sitting on my balcony with a ginger dread-head I was enjoying an afternoon smoke with. We had hung out a couple of times but nothing romantic sparked out of that connection.Which was okay, since he told me about this girl he'd had his sights set on for a long time and I listened...that is, until a hot guy walking into the building caught my eye.

Well, at least I thought it was a hot guy. I have to admit, my vision ain't what it used to be, but I was pretty sure I was correctly perceiving male hotness, which would be my usual assumption at the sight of a fit man in a state of half undress, what appeared to be a decent set of pecs, biceps and a tan.  

I immediately knew that I was going to sleep with this man and I remember being taken aback by how strong my conviction rang...deep...somewhere between my heart and my guts. Perhaps it was the way he looked up and smiled...the well-defined chest glistening with sweat, the wave, the smirk...the way he grabs my hips and grunts in the middle of sex...

Wait...getting ahead of myself.

There's something about Alfie that makes me sweat profusely. My loins tighten and my head starts swimming. My nipples tighten. I lose my convictions, I forget what my name is, what his name is. An eight legged monster stirs and unfurls behind my eyelids and I want to sink fangs I do not possess into his flesh. However,  I can honestly say, the man is not jaw-droopingly handsome (perhaps I'm being a bit mean. But let's just say if I wasn't in a position of intense physical need, I wouldn't have spent more than 2 seconds staring at that face).

In fact, minus the extremely generous lips and the ...somewhat adorable smile...I'm not staring at much...in the face anyways. I don't like his nose. And his haircut is too short, too severe. These are all observations I made after I bedded the guy, mind you. When he was close enough to lick, touch and probe.

That did not happen right away. I didn't see him for a good few weeks...until I was heading out one summer afternoon, wearing a leather skirt, army boots and my 'Nightmare Before Christmas' shirt I favor so, and I remember thinking as I donned those on, that there was bound to be at least someone picking his eyeballs off the floor. I was feeling rather 'blah' and unappreciated that day. I'd been working on expanding my ass at the bakery, and Ginger Dread-head and I did not hit it off. I wanted to sparkle. Look nice. Feel sexy again.

I had to throw something in the garbage. He was sitting on the balcony and I could feel his gaze burning a hole in the back of my skirt and I have to admit, that was the most awkward garbage trip ever! My skirt was riding up...I just remember starting to sweat and feeling too shy to turn around and meet his gaze. Eventually, I had to head towards my car, which was parked directly underneath his balcony. He struck up a conversation. I got the feeling he was a nice guy, seemed very laid back. I felt extremely comfortable near him. I drove off feeling slightly giddy.

This happened a few more times after that. Each conversation seemingly a bit longer than the last. I developed a bit of a crush, while of course, maintaining that it could never go further than that. I had no interest in starting up anything with anyone, though I was drawn to him. At the time, I was under the impression that I was talking to a solitary older man who was doing the bachelor thing as he polished up an extra degree. I opened up to him.

This, was a big fat mistake.

One day, after a long, heart-felt conversation, he climbed down from his balcony to give me a hug, or at least what started out as a hug. I was rambling as he drew me into his arms, but I couldn't help inhaling a bit of his scent...his arms seemed to wrap a little tighter around my waist. My brain scrambled a bit after that. Perhaps that's the reason why I said these words next, words I didn't meant to say to him, because to be quite honest, I'd grown to like him a lot and I wanted to see him in a different context, as a man I could have a friendship with and perhaps, potentially more.

I was completely posturing when I told him that I would 'probably fuck him and spit him out afterward'. I mean, that's what I'd done to the guys I'd been involved with after ex-ND took off with his own ginger. That's perhaps all I wanted to happen with him initially.

But now that I look back on it, no, that wasn't it. I wanted to get to know him. But I didn't want to get hurt again, which is what ended up happening anyway. And to be quite honest, I was pretty sure I didn't want to end up involved with the guy holding me at that moment.

Yet at the same time...all I could smell was the scent of male and the part of me stirring had just been woken from a primordial sleep, because I can't remember the last time I'd been so overwhelmed by such pure, almost lupine sexual desire.

It was just crazy.

I just wanted to mate and bite him.

I felt a bit cave-woman-ish. I was also sweating profusely.

I called him one evening (just to talk to him, my intentions were extremely pure). He didn't pick up and I must admit, I felt a wave of relief. I wasn't sure what to say... and I was trying not to come across as a silly little twit. I'd confessed to a friend that I was extremely attracted to this man in my building and her suggestion was 'go ahead, fuck 'em'. I decided that night before I went to sleep that I was never going to. I didn't want to get involved with another man. I already knew the ending was going to be somewhere between the line of bad to somewhat horribly disastrous. Had I only followed my intuition, I would have handled the next event in a more...cautious manner.

An hour later I heard a knock on my door.

I had just taken a hot shower and had nothing but my poncho to throw on before I answered the door and there he was. That's when I first felt it: an immediate drop in what little IQ I possess, a tremor down my spine...my legs turning into jelly.

I am a lonely, attention-starved single mom, who does not date, and has no desire to. So, at that point, I hadn't gotten any loving in a while and the occasional digital tickle wasn't doing the trick anymore, if you know what I mean.

So when a fit man showed up at my door, my brain chemistry switched to instinct and desire and I went with it. He told me he had been downstairs with a 'friend', he'd had a bit to drink and he couldn't wait for that friend to leave so he could come say 'Hi!'. And he did.

With his tongue.

He spent the night. We talked for hours, we danced between the sheets. I couldn't help staring at him as he finally fell asleep, thinking ' it's nice to have someone in this bed again'.

I also remember thinking 'No better way to better way to break a dry spell than with eight plus inches of yummy goodness de-li-ve-ring himself right at your doorstep'.

Oh. That was a great work-out.

At the same time, I felt a little embarrassed at my spur-of-the-moment wantonness. I dreaded talking to him again but figured it was something I had to do, so a couple of days after, I put my baby down for the night, grabbed some laundry and I went down to his apartment, knocked on his door...and she opened it.

I remember walking in the room and looking at him like 'What the fuck is going on' and his was a defensive look. The snide remark he made afterward did nothing to cover up the awkward vibe that filled the room. A woman knows when she's interrupting something, and there was a certain possessiveness in the chick looking back at me. I was crushed.

Did not even see that one coming. He introduces her as a girl living one floor below him. I recognized her...yes, the one with a boyfriend?

Yep. A boyfriend.

He asks me to stick around but I decline.I walked out of there furious. In fact I was so furious that I came up and got smashed. I am a very naive little girl, and...I should have known, I told my self. I should have known.

I hear my next door neighbor on her balcony having a smoke. I stumble out and give her a slurred account of the event that just took place. We laugh hysterically. I'm not sure what the neighbors were thinking, hearing us cackle like a pack of broomstick-riders in the middle of the night, but at that moment, I had no problem letting every one know there was a nasty man-whore in the building.

She informs me that he's apparently the resident creep, having invited her and a friend a while back to his place for drinks. She tells me not to feel too bad. I feel even dumber, go back in after a few self-deprecating jokes, and tell myself that I would never, ever talk to him again.

I wish I could tell you that was the last of my encounters with Alfie, but I somehow found myself in his arms not once, not twice, but four times after that...

I am too burned out to even go into the details. All I can say is, that fucker lied in order to get back in my bed and I was too foolish to see through his bullshit. He claimed to be in love with the girl I met at his apartment, claimed that me informing her later on that we were sexually involved ruined his 'chances' with her! Someone should tell that dumbfuck what if you're in love with someone, you don't go around sleeping with two other girls (this other chick I knew nothing about 'till the end). He also lied to me about sleeping with the girl he was supposedly in love with. Nasty son of a bitch.

I really need to get myself tested. Fucking asshole.

I'm extremely uninspired lately. Blah. And that's all the attention I ever want to give that lowlife. Let's just say that sleeping with me was the pinnacle of his bedding career. And I should know better than to lower my standards in order to get ass...but hey, desperate times, yah know...