I got out and walked about this afternoon, Lilo lounging in the wagon with her bent, flowery umbrella, sandals and skirt. The sun was glorious. I ran into a few friends and we ended up riding around with them. Had homemade beer with a lovely gentleman in his custom made house while Lilo gaped at the hanging bear pelt by the door. Dined at the cafe.
If life says it enough for me to have this for now I say heck yeah! And perhaps it's time I stopped idealizing the idea of having a man around. I say it's right about time. I'm trying to find a work trade situation that will be comfortable for my child and myself. I'm trying not to feel any apprehension about it but I'm a bit nervous. I'm gullible and a poor judge of character.
Harmless Yolande. Child-like Yolande. Easy to fool Yolande. You can manipulate her and get away with it, who's going to defend her Yolande. Condescension aside, the people who treated me in this fashion are now out of my life and for that I'm eternally grateful.
The world dances to the beat of a different drummer than I but in this case, it works in my favor. Clearly I lack the superior intelligence required to thrive in ultra modern, respectable cities like all the up and comers. Good old country living is the rewards for losers like me. The events of these past few months and the revelations they have imparted have me so hopeful for the next couple of years.
Lilo and I are getting the change to grow and heal in a magical place. I no longer share the values of my father. Money and accomplishment based values. Men and the edifices they are so intent on building during their time on this earth. I'll be just happy fulfilling my purpose, whatever it may be. I'm just thankful I get to be here with my daughter, a reward I have had a hard time enjoying, perhaps because of the winter blues. But it's a different season now. I know my path involves working with the earth and my artistic abilities. I'm not sure about anything else. I'm ready to believe just about anything though.
The Craft. The needle, the paintbrush, the voice and the intellect. Increase in knowledge and wisdom leads to consciousness expansion. Herb lore and agriculture. A place for my child and I to feel safe and at home in. A workshop. Patience. Lack of romantic love might be the greatest ingredient though. A blessing in disguise.
You keep handing that thing (heart) over to people that could care less for it! How's that working for you? No? Then don't do it because all it leads to is calculated reciprocation of services. I need to grow up and realize the only thing men that I'm lovestruck by ever want from me is my flesh at best and dominion over me at worst. Some are timid. Which immediately makes me lose interest.
The concept of me being erudite enough to hold a conversation with them, or even having a viewpoint that diverges from their own is just-not there. I'm wasting my time. And I can take a hint. I am not understood by anyone. I hope I find a place where I belong here and I know soon enough this isn't going to bother me. If I have more people close next winter then the loneliness won't get as bad as it did this time around.
If life says it enough for me to have this for now I say heck yeah! And perhaps it's time I stopped idealizing the idea of having a man around. I say it's right about time. I'm trying to find a work trade situation that will be comfortable for my child and myself. I'm trying not to feel any apprehension about it but I'm a bit nervous. I'm gullible and a poor judge of character.
Harmless Yolande. Child-like Yolande. Easy to fool Yolande. You can manipulate her and get away with it, who's going to defend her Yolande. Condescension aside, the people who treated me in this fashion are now out of my life and for that I'm eternally grateful.
The world dances to the beat of a different drummer than I but in this case, it works in my favor. Clearly I lack the superior intelligence required to thrive in ultra modern, respectable cities like all the up and comers. Good old country living is the rewards for losers like me. The events of these past few months and the revelations they have imparted have me so hopeful for the next couple of years.
Lilo and I are getting the change to grow and heal in a magical place. I no longer share the values of my father. Money and accomplishment based values. Men and the edifices they are so intent on building during their time on this earth. I'll be just happy fulfilling my purpose, whatever it may be. I'm just thankful I get to be here with my daughter, a reward I have had a hard time enjoying, perhaps because of the winter blues. But it's a different season now. I know my path involves working with the earth and my artistic abilities. I'm not sure about anything else. I'm ready to believe just about anything though.
The Craft. The needle, the paintbrush, the voice and the intellect. Increase in knowledge and wisdom leads to consciousness expansion. Herb lore and agriculture. A place for my child and I to feel safe and at home in. A workshop. Patience. Lack of romantic love might be the greatest ingredient though. A blessing in disguise.
You keep handing that thing (heart) over to people that could care less for it! How's that working for you? No? Then don't do it because all it leads to is calculated reciprocation of services. I need to grow up and realize the only thing men that I'm lovestruck by ever want from me is my flesh at best and dominion over me at worst. Some are timid. Which immediately makes me lose interest.
The concept of me being erudite enough to hold a conversation with them, or even having a viewpoint that diverges from their own is just-not there. I'm wasting my time. And I can take a hint. I am not understood by anyone. I hope I find a place where I belong here and I know soon enough this isn't going to bother me. If I have more people close next winter then the loneliness won't get as bad as it did this time around.
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