I took my 'IUD' theory to my GP and discussed further options, I asked for another referral to the internal medicine guy, because I want that endoscopy and heard that wonderful diagnostic fly over my head again. Endometriosis, really? Is like the vague term for whatever lower abdominal malignancy that manifests itself in any female old enough to spawn, it is the same bloody diagnostic I've had thrown my way every time I have this issue. None of the options they've ever given me for it have ever worked so they need to start looking inside of me. They've been mentioning surgery from the get-go but I have no idea what the fuck is even wrong with me still and I would specifically like to know where and what hurts and where they're gonna cut, because I'm not just dealing with one problem. It's like something went off inside of me and all these issues I've been carrying around for a while all decided to complicate themselves at the same time. I've been pushing through a lot of pain and I just don't have the mental fortitude to keep forcing myself out of bed and feigning health.

My GP believes that the back pain I have been experiencing could be the result of sciatica, and the spot where the pain originates is the exact same one where that anesthesiologist spine fucked me with the epidural needle, while I was in labor with Lilo. My legs have been cramping and locking up quite painfully, I'm dropping knives and almost stabbed myself in the foot a few weeks back because my hands seize up on me. According to my mother, this is all psychosomatic and I've worked myself into this condition. So I've decided not to answer her phone calls when I'm lying on the floor, sick. Because if this pain is the result of my imagination, or mortification and my objectivity is so deeply flawed, heck I could totally be hallucinating the ringtone! Chances are, she's on the end trying to convert me again or start yelling at me about my lifestyle choices instead of, you know, being helpful.