It's not heartbreak if the loss is irrelevant. It doesn't matter where I move to because chances are I'll meet the same bullshit in a different concentration. It's not a matter of changing opinion, believe me, I've driven myself to the brink of delusion-didn't change a fucking thing, made me more vulnerable.
My whole life I've been watching myself fade into a 'lite' version of myself. I remember going through prepubescence aware of the loss of certain capacities, playing with energy and feeling it coursing through my arms and fingertips, being able to shut my awareness of my immediate surroundings and lock myself in my own private head theater, being able to leave my own body and feel the wind blow against my skin as I soared high than any birds, past the exosphere towards the moon!
Now what have I become? Just another stereotype trapped in a decaying shell. A twenty four year old who shits herself. Instead of OBEs I dream myself working quadratic equations in an unidentified classroom I can't escape. Thing is, I remember, even as a child, being completely flabbergasted by my surroundings and wishing, even then, for a correction, a change, anything, to fix the mistake whatever creating entity made by forcing me on this plane of existence. Spent my teenage years chasing dissolution. Went off to university and deluded myself into a trap, now here I am, still going: 'WHY THE FUCK?'
Is my whole life going to be wasted on just that question or am I ever going to attain the right level of material greed that would give me enough incentive to 'prosper' in a respectable manner, according to this society? Some say my comfortable upbringing is the cause of this laziness, this unwillingness to let go of 'fantasy'. Life without means is all about conformity. And there are millions of meat sacks willing to do so in your place, fucking spoiled brat.
I hate this place. I hate this specie. I hate this century. Really, y'all so fucking technologically advanced and we're the evolutionary 'cream of the crop' in terms of intelligence and brain development yet racial and sexual discrimination is not only institutionalized but still heavily debated in the twenty first fucking century? Yeah, I'm the fucking idiot who has no idea how to get hers in this fucking chaos. The moral upbringing failed me big time.
My whole life I've been watching myself fade into a 'lite' version of myself. I remember going through prepubescence aware of the loss of certain capacities, playing with energy and feeling it coursing through my arms and fingertips, being able to shut my awareness of my immediate surroundings and lock myself in my own private head theater, being able to leave my own body and feel the wind blow against my skin as I soared high than any birds, past the exosphere towards the moon!
Now what have I become? Just another stereotype trapped in a decaying shell. A twenty four year old who shits herself. Instead of OBEs I dream myself working quadratic equations in an unidentified classroom I can't escape. Thing is, I remember, even as a child, being completely flabbergasted by my surroundings and wishing, even then, for a correction, a change, anything, to fix the mistake whatever creating entity made by forcing me on this plane of existence. Spent my teenage years chasing dissolution. Went off to university and deluded myself into a trap, now here I am, still going: 'WHY THE FUCK?'
Is my whole life going to be wasted on just that question or am I ever going to attain the right level of material greed that would give me enough incentive to 'prosper' in a respectable manner, according to this society? Some say my comfortable upbringing is the cause of this laziness, this unwillingness to let go of 'fantasy'. Life without means is all about conformity. And there are millions of meat sacks willing to do so in your place, fucking spoiled brat.
I hate this place. I hate this specie. I hate this century. Really, y'all so fucking technologically advanced and we're the evolutionary 'cream of the crop' in terms of intelligence and brain development yet racial and sexual discrimination is not only institutionalized but still heavily debated in the twenty first fucking century? Yeah, I'm the fucking idiot who has no idea how to get hers in this fucking chaos. The moral upbringing failed me big time.
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