After he originally left, like he has so many times, Mitch gave Lilo and I a visit over at his aunt's house. I told him from the get-go that I had no interest in resuming any sort of communications with him outside of a court room.
He started his routine ( the one when he says he misses us, but when I call him out on his bullshit he doesn't know anything, he doesn't know how he feels about me, he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life BUT he wants to be 'around' us) and made a lot of promises I knew he wasn't going to keep...
And now that I think about it, why does he bother over and over again? Why does he keep trying to come back in Lilo and I's life just to ignore her and be emotionally abusive? Why does he constantly put on a show about reading holistic books, looking for God on the internet, railing on and on about wanting to make a positive change within himself while he's still the same condescending passive aggressive shit towards me?
And as for the rest of his family, I don't want their 'values' or lack there of rubbing on my child.
Funny it took me meeting people like them to appreciate the upbringing my parents gave me, but if I have to listen to his grandmother justifying her people's behavior by telling me to not feel sorry for myself, I'm going to get violent. She's probably from a generation when abuse was flung all about but to defend one self showed a lack of composure (cause it was all about image back then, wasn't it?).
And the funny thing about them is that they keep sending gifts over, gifts I didn't ask for AND I ask myself, why do they think I would welcome gifts from folks who have been hostile towards me in the past?
Do they think if they send Lilo enough trinkets it negates the fact that they had no moral qualms about making life difficult for me when I was carrying her? Or perhaps if they send gifts, well it must CERTAINLY mean they give a damn, even though they tried all they could to let me know that I would be raising this child by myself, that I was better off giving having an abortion or giving her up for adoption.
No, I'm sorry, I don't really need gifts from you. And no, you're never going to get gratitude from me. You won't have me feeding your superiority complex and I'm perfectly within my right to refuse to associate with any member of your family who has been negative towards me. That includes you, Mitch.
This child deserves love and attention. She needs to know she's wanted. She doesn't need toys thrown at her to prove her that she's loved. But I guess when you're that materialistic, the only way you can express love is through a materialistic way. Meh. I don't want my daughter growing up like some of the spoiled rotten brats I've had the displeasure of meeting in your family.
Don't fuck with folks then be surprised when they don't want to have anything to do with you. Period. Don't claim a higher understanding or pretend to embrace holistic ideals while behaving like a lout. Waiving around quote unquote your books and philosophies doesn't give you the right to disrespect others in anyway, shape or form.
Clearly not having any stance on hostility, as long as it's committed by them towards anyone else is the way to be around these parts. Thank God I've met and fraternized with other Canadians, or I would have found myself thinking they are all just as apathetic, nihilistic money hungry swine like the one I made the mistake of falling in love with and marrying.
They are so fucking oblivious about the fact that they've behaved like stereotypical psycho in-laws from the beginning. Their whole situation brings nothing more than revulsion and disgust on my part. And that feeling has finally taken over anything I might have felt for Mitch. It's all gone. I do not love him anymore.
The moral is never waste your breath telling someone he's an immature man-child and that he might need to change his ways, for as long as he's got everyone telling him otherwise, he's never going to believe you. And as long as he never shows anyone his ugly side, they'll keep seeing him as someone deserving of love.
What in this fucking world is more important that her? You?
And though it's a tough concept for me to deal with, I have to let go of my desire to see him get what he deserves right away e.g. have him be struck by lighting...for as much as I strongly believe in karma and the universe balancing itself, Mitch isn't the first nor the last man on this planet to conduct himself in this manner.
His family isn't the first nor the last enabling his behavior. His grandmother isn't the first white person claiming cultural difference to excuse immoral behavior. And that is within her rights. She also has the right to refuse to see anything wrong with the members of her family. Mitch does the same.
Clearly, these are people who need to stick together in a world full of bothersome rules like...oh I don't know fairness, respect for others space and beliefs. She talks too much to listen to any opinion that differs from hers but I'm sure she has her good qualities. But I don't think any of them involve any sense of empathy or a distaste for injustice.
Clearly telling me that the reason why Mitch and I fight is because I got pregnant and instead of being sick and bedridden I should have been active and been out with my husband, because Mitch is a wonderful boy and he's never done any wrong is going to solve the problem.
And no, he might never feel any remorse for the way he's treated his daughter and I and the way he's behaved.
And that's okay. As long as he keeps his shit far far away from us. I will raise my daughter to have good values: to have respect for herself and others' right, to have a lot of love for herself, to be unselfish and to have a deep appreciation for everything she's given. And that's not going to happen if she's in anyway influenced by him and his relatives.
I have met a lot of fucked up people but these folks...they easily take the cake.
They're the kind of people who would see someone being assaulted in public and do nothing, because its none of their problem. Mitch himself once told me that he didn't give a fuck if anyone in his family hurt Lilo or myself because it's not his fight, it's not his problem and there is nothing in marital clauses that says he has to defend his family. As long as it's not happening to him then he's okay.
That's my daughter's father.
Urgh, I grew up in a family where all have their flaws but any of us would be damned if two or ten elders didn't get in our face to tell us that we were wrong when we fucked up. And to me, that's love. Letting someone know that he's fucking up and he needs to be the best person that he can be. And best include strong morals. Then again, this is 'America'. Thou art beyond loosed. Morals don't mean shit up here. Children have no respect for parents because parents don't give enough of a fuck to reinforce godly values. They're too busy with their own issues.
I now truly appreciate the upbringing my parents gave me. I appreciate the morals my parents handed down to me. I thank God my circumstances have made me a fighter because if I'd been in anyways the complacent bitch he and his family wanted me to be, I don't think my daughter would have stood a chance.
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