Major, MAJOR crush on her, I have. It's pretty embarrassing actually. I'm just about ready to place a poster of her in my bedroom, Tiger Beat style. That's another thing I'm realizing about myself. White girls don't usually do it for me, but black chicks? UNF.

I wonder what would happen if I start openly dating a woman? I think my mom suspects I'm not heterosexual. My little brothers know, I'm sure. I might attribute it to childhood trauma. Don't know...what I do know is that at the age of 9 I realized, knew that I liked girls that way.

I remember, in high school, I told my then-boyfriend that if we ever broke up I would 'go gay'. Told the same thing to Mitch. I should have done it after my high school relationship ended...but it's not like a switch I have control over: in high school and university there was a 78% propensity for guys, but I did get involved with a number of girls in between. Now I find men repulsive with a few exceptions.

It's psychological. I used to think as a young girl that I was safer around women because boys/men always had an interest in hurting what was between my legs. So what does that make me? Lesbian By Trauma? Ah! I don't put labels on myself anymore. I am nothing. It's very simple. There are types and 'categories' to my nothingness, but it mostly equals to 'none'. Just as everyone, including me, needs to stop being someone and think of themselves as no one. Then the ego-fest can chill the fuck out and we humans can learn how to help and relate to each other.

All I have to do is look at how we as a species treat our young to know that we are just animal. We're clearly not an evolved enough specie to realize that the survival of our race involves finding a different approach in the kind of environment we foster for children on this planet. That's why the aliens keep coming down here and anally probing us. To see if we're ready for contact or not. They're probably repulsed by how violent a specie we are.

So no Mister Hawkins, we are the ones who want to talk to the aliens because that's our EGO. We want to get their technology. We're a nasty civilization still growing, evolving, going through our terrible twos. It's going to be a while before we're worth communicating with. 

So remember, humans/pigs(can't tell the difference most of the time), the healthier the childhood, the more promising and emotionally/psychologically balanced the adulthood, D'uh!

Those possessing the male gender are by far worse in nature than the females. Testosterone must translate into evil, I don't know.

Wait, that might be a blanket statement...but I'm past the point of giving a fuck about what any man (or woman) thinks, it's my blog, I can be as unpolitical correct as I please! Besides, I feel like speaking my mind. Undiluted honesty does allow more progress in the ability understand one another.

...

You know what? Actually, there was that Russian chick I ***** when I was staying at**** that night***...and another Russian woman I made out with at a club in Vancouver...when I was underage, of course me and my thrill-seeking.

So there are exceptions to my 'no-same sex interracial attraction' clause that I wasn't really aware that I had. See, even at my worst, int that basic, sex-driven part of my mind, I manage to be tolerant. It's not that hard, folks.

Did I mention I love Russian women?

It's the accent.