I'm ready to start packing my bags though there's no real destination yet. I'm fighting this overwhelming feeling of flight, thinking up ways of just having all my shit in storage and finding a way, any way to cross the border. I'm supposed to be applying for citizenship right now but I don't want it. What have I got to stay in this country for. I'm so sick of being here. Remaining in this country and getting involved with a 'native' was the first in a line of way too many mistakes. And I'm the only one who's had to shoulder the price. I'm so sick of this place. I'm so fucking sick this fucking place. How do I get out of here if I can't even find a job? Why did I settle here? Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. I fucked up bad. I opened myself up again and fucked up. I chose the wrong town to live in. I keep fucking up. I just wanted a small town with a cheap place and a garden where I can raise my daughter. That's all. Fuck. How did I manage to fuck that up?